


Heavy Rain

by RabbitDweeb



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gem War, It's more focused on Lapis, Post-Gem War, lapis is sad, this really only hints at lapidot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 10:05:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9230126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RabbitDweeb/pseuds/RabbitDweeb
Summary: Sometimes you just need to stare out at the rain and contemplate life.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the lack of Lapidot in here, I just really wanted to focus on Lapis's feelings after the war. This was going to be short. ;-;

A heavy drop of water fell into Lapis's outstretched palms, rapidly followed by another. It felt cold against her skin. Usually the presence of water was as comfortable as a warm blanket to her, but not at the moment.

Peridot was swarming around her. Her high, nasally voice buzzed away at Lapis's eardrums. “Of course, you won't have seen this before. Water falling from the sky right? It's really quite interesting, I mean, not as interesting as some of the natural phenomena on Homeworld, but still..” Lapis let her words fade into a comfortable blur.

It wasn't that she didn't like Peridot. In fact it was the opposite. The other gem had a knack for noticing when Lapis was zoning out, when she had been staring at the wall for far too long without saying anything, and then pulling her out of her thoughts. Lapis loved her for that. Most of the time Peridot was able to pull her out of a funk by proposing something ridiculous, which Lapis usually ended up going along with. Out of amusement rather than hope that the idea would succeed most of the time. 

She still vividly remembered the time that Steven had taken them to an aquarium. Peridot had been enthralled by the idea. Lapis had simply appreciated the fish. Her and Lapis had spent a whole afternoon fishing before the smaller gem had realised that Lapis had the capacity to literally raise the entire stream so that they could choose whichever fish they wanted with ease. They had come home with a gigantic bubble of water filled with fish, zipping and darting every which way inside it. Peridot had been so excited to have their own aquarium. The idea had lasted until they both realised that the barn didn't have anything even closely resembling a fish tank, let alone an aquarium.

Peridot was fantastic, it was just that sometimes Lapis needed to pause for a second. She had caught herself doing it more and more often lately. Blocking out what was being said to her, escaping into her thoughts. She tried not to do it around Steven, she knew it worried him, but it was difficult not to some times. She could be distracted by the smallest things. Sunlight, glinting off water. Leaves falling. Earth was overwhelming. It never stopped moving, even for a moment. 

It hadn't rained since she had been freed.

The rain was heavy, but her body was dry and warm. She was standing in the doorway of the barn while Peridot paraded around in the rain before her. Lapis's cupped hands were extended, the rain welling between them. They were more than individual drops in her hands now. They were all running together to form a puddle in the centre of her hands. She diverted her attention back to Peridot. She was still babbling.

“This event's name is extremely underwhelming. Honestly, humans are so bad at naming things, I'm surprised that they can even function.” Peridot laughed and threw her arms out as though she was about to make a shocking announcement. Lapis noticed that her foot landed ankle deep in a puddle as she did so, but Peridot seemed to be too worked up to care.

“This event is called,” she exclaimed, pausing to build up suspense.

“Rain.” Lapis said quietly. The water pooling in her hands began to overflow, dripping into the puddles that were forming outside.

“Er, yes.” Peridot said, looking a bit put out. “How did you know that?” “Lucky guess.” Lapis replied with a shrug. Peridot frowned. “Right...” She said, sounding unconvinced. Then she grinned. “Of course!” She exclaimed. “The name was so simple that even you were able to guess it!”

Lapis shrugged again. Sometimes it was easier to just agree with Peridot. It was certainly easier than trying to explain how she knew what rain was.

Peridot rushed past her and back into the barn. “I'm sure that there are lots of things around here with stupid earth names! Oh, I can't wait to show those crystal clods!” With that Lapis was left staring out into the rain by herself.

She withdrew her hands and wiped them dry on her skirt before sitting down in the doorway and pulling her knees up under her chin. She didn't like the rain.

It was raining when things had started to go wrong. She had only been meant to come to earth for a little while, only for a couple of days. She remembered getting ready to go back to Homeworld. The sun had been out for the duration of her stay, but on her final day it was obscured by dark, heaving clouds. It had been beginning to rain when Lapis was told that she wouldn't be allowed to leave just yet. It had rained when the war had started. And then almost constantly for the months afterwards while the war raged on.

She remembered slipping and getting up, running further. The rain was a weapon for her and she was made a thousand times more dangerous because of it. She could bring it slashing down with such force, like a thousand speeding bullets, shattering gems left and right. It kept her safe. She hated it, looking into the eyes of a gem as their body disintegrated, knowing that she had done that. She wasn't meant to be a solider. She wasn't a Jasper or an Amethyst, or even a Carnelian. She was supposed to build with her powers, to shape the land. To allow life to flourish into existence, not to destroy it. But she had no choice. At least as long as there was water, she was safe.

She remembered stepping over gem fragments, their colours dulled by the mud that the rain had created. Dragging one foot after another through the mess of dirt, feeling sharp shards scrape against her feet. Some days she would fly, even though it made her an easier target, to escape that feeling. It didn't matter anyway, she was invincible.

Then, weeks later, the rain relented. It had done so before of course, but not for longer than a few days. Definitely not long enough for the puddles to dry, to leave Lapis defenceless. But this time it was different. The sky was empty of clouds. The smoke and heat of battle still made it seem like the sun was covered, but day by day surely the water was drying up. Then one day there was nothing for Lapis to use to defend herself.

Maybe this is right, she had thought. Maybe she deserved to be shattered. It would bring an end to having to fight in this stupid war that she had no idea why she was fighting. She had shattered so many gems by now that she had lost count. Maybe it was just her turn. She remembered walking through the battle, sidestepping around gems locked together. She had felt numb. The ground was dry beneath her feet and small clouds of dust puffed up with her every step. No one seemed like they were willing to try to destroy her. They must have seen what she could do.

When she glimpsed a huge Bismuth barreling towards her it was almost a relief. But that didn't stop the fear that broke through her numb exterior like a shock of cold water. She bared her back, even as she curled in on herself, waiting to be shattered. But then she had felt her gem being forcefully tugged from her back and rather than shattering, she felt her form dissipate as she was forced to retreat into her gem. She was so confused and so hurt. And she in no way was willing to return to war. So she had stayed there huddled in her gem. Safe.

And then things had gotten bad again. She had been trapped, interrogated. Cracked.

Then finally she had been found again. Found by the very gems that she had been fighting. Her gem was damaged so what had been her safety was transformed into a prison. She was left unable to regenerate, to free herself. They didn't ask her anything. They didn’t try to talk to her. They weren't even interested in finding out who she used to be. She was considered an object, another artefact of the gem war. Useful, but not sentient or overly important. 

When she was finally set free she couldn't believe it. Even after everything had calmed down she felt as though the peace couldn’t possibly last. She couldn't be free after so much, surely. She had become accustomed to war, then she had become accustomed to solitude. But this was something different entirely. She didn't have to fight, but she had to keep living.

Lapis was doing it again. Getting lost in her memories. The soft hiss of the rain brought her back to herself. It was still falling steadily. The sky was dark and bruised above her, sagging with rain that would continue on for hours. 

Lapis stood up slowly, stretching her stiff muscles. Then, taking a deep breath, she walked out into the flow of water and closed her eyes, turning her face skyward. The rain poured down, soaking her hair and clothes, plastering her long skirt to her legs.

Lapis shuddered. The sounds of war, screams, crashes, gems shattering, rang in her ears. She let herself get sucked in for a moment, encasing herself within her memories. She was so dangerous here with water surrounding her. She could cause so much pain.

She held her arms up to the sky. She felt the rain plummeting to the ground,drumming a steady beat into the back of her brain. She concentrated hard. She forced the beat to stop, just for now. The water was left, floating in the air like it had simply forgotten to fall. Lapis could feel pressure building up as the clouds above her attempted to spill the rain they were holding. She wouldn't be able to stop them for much longer, but for this moment she was entirely in control.

“Lazuli! Lazuli!”She heard a small sharp voice calling from the barn behind her. The voice sounded excited. Lapis didn't respond. She heard Peridot's footsteps stop at the door behind her.

“Lazuli! There you are listen here,” She must have noticed the rain then, because she stopped talking, whatever she had planned to say was apparently forgotten.

"Lapis"

"Yeah."

"Are you alright?"

"Not really."

"Do you want to come inside?"

Lapis gave up control, letting her arms drop and relax with the rain,hearing the hiss of it's fall resume, unchanged by the short time during which it had been stopped. Then she turned to face Peridot, a tired smile dusted across her wet face.

"Yeah."


End file.
